[FUN] Mal wieder was aviatisches zum Lachen

[Oshkosh]

Moin,

 

und los:

 

 

 

 

ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when the engine quits on take off

ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.

 

BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.

 

BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up

 

CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused by fuel exhaustion.

 

"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.

 

CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to centres.

 

CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.

 

CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.

 

DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.

 

DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions, except icing.

 

ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.

 

FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat and smoke to fill the cockpit.

 

GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.

 

GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving weights.

 

HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any radio facility serving a terminal airport.

 

RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled with air.

 

WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.

 

LANDING FLAP: A 4000' roll out on a 3000' runway.

 

 

Gruss,

 

Markus

[Oshkosh]

Nachschlag:

 

The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He

lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it

down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his

aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"

The attendant just looked at the pilot.

 

"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the

pilot.

 

The attendant replied: "True, most pilots use that airport over there."

 

---------------

 

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short

of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned

around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:

 

"What a cute little plane. Did you make it yourself?"

 

Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back

with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like

that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

 

Gruss,

 

Markus